When I was in my early 20s, fresh out of college, I got my first job as an intern at a small news station. My dream since I was five was to have my own talk show. My career path was to start out as a reporter and work my way up to a larger market like Oprah Winfrey did. As my internship was coming to an end and I was getting more excited to take the reporter position that I trained for, I was denied the job! I was told by the news director that I was too feminine or “too gay” for such a small market. See, as a reporter you have to start off in a small market (small town) to gain experience before moving on to a bigger audience. I tried everything – shaving my head, wearing suits, even deepening my voice, but I was still denied my dream job. Every time I was forced to be masculine, the suicidal thoughts would follow. After a few months of drinking my sorrows away, I realized I needed to start over and move to a bigger city where I would be accepted for me. After moving to LA, I immediately started my transition, it was my cocoon phase, and just as it is for a caterpillar, it was a vulnerable time. My days out would consist of me reading spiritual books at my local cafes. My spirit was going through its own transformation as the universe shifted, allowing me to finally embrace my femininity. Once the healing was finished, my masculine features faded into the past, I was left with that feeling of what’s next? After living stealth for a couple years and witnessing my own trans community suffering, I decided to come out as a proud trans women. I honestly didn’t know what I was doing but I trusted the universe. I found myself writing my truth, volunteering and activating the power of my voice. Over the years I would think about my dream career as a talk show host – would I ever have the opportunity to have my own show? A platform to educate and inspire others? I felt the same great pain that comes with any rejection, so I stayed on my new path as an activist which led me to SUR and to my fairy godmother Lisa Vanderpump. My whole life was working in restaurants so it made sense my TV debut would be in a restaurant.
During my time at SUR, I met some of the most wonderful people, a few in particular that I now call family. They saw me in a way I never saw myself – they saw beauty, light and love. They saw a powerful activist who was unstoppable. These beautiful souls put a mirror in front of me, they showed me how far I’ve come and how far I can go. But with good always comes evil, Some of my coworkers were threatened by my differences, going out of their way to exclude me, one demanding I be fired from the show because he didn’t feel comfortable working with me, his exact words were, “I’m not gonna lose all I have worked hard for for something stupid I may say or do to offend her. Are we all supposed to tip toe around her because she’s trans?” Like most men during the #MeToo movement he was so afraid of saying the wrong thing that he just wanted me gone. The bullying on and off camera brought my deep insecurities to the surface, this dark black mirror held up high for everyone in public to see and to judge. The reflection of fear and anger led me back `to depression and suicidal thoughts. I honestly thought I was finished with this type of bullying after high school and college but once again I found myself 34, depressed, and fantasizing about taking my own life. Like any other time I’ve been bullied or rejected I started journaling, and I attached myself to anything and everything positive that would pull me out of this dark funk. During this time, I realized that SUR was no longer right for me! I had many people try to convince me to stay, “Billie do another year! You are stronger than this.” But honestly, I couldn’t do another year and I wasn’t strong enough. SUR will always be a place I cherish. I’m so grateful for everyone including the owners Nathalie and Guillermo for always having my back. I’m also grateful for Lisa, your encouragement and blessing to move forward with this new chapter of mine means the world to me. With the help of so many powerful people including Lisa I now have the opportunity to lead my own projects that you will see in 2020. For now, I am focused on my anti bullying campaign with Regenix as 75% of transgender youth feel unsafe at school and over 40% of LGBTQ+ feel bullied at work. Regenix is giving a percentage of our sales to Equality CA where I sit on the board of advisors as we fight to protect trans rights. It is my mission to end bullying and I’m proud to announce my new partnership with GLSEN who work hard creating safe places for the LGBTQ+ youth in our schools. Together we will make a difference and that difference will save lives!
If you ask me, my journey has only just begun. I now have the opportunity to educate and inspire others with my activism work and new projects taking off. Every day is an opportunity to take back your dream, to embrace your journey and live the life you’ve always wanted. You are never too old or “too gay” and it’s never too late to start over.
